The best days of my life
my
I know this is kinda cheesy for some (and I don’t require you to waste time if you’re not interested) but i just want to give justice to one of the best experiences I had in my entire lifetime…it’s an ode to my thirty-day retreat….
Testimonial Dinner Sharing
December 7, 2005
It took me some time to figure out that my heart is inevitably bigger than my head. Though people would affirm this fact once in a while, I find it tedious convincing myself over and over again. Let’s say that I’m still grappling with the allusions it brings, for the fear that too much giving would eventually hurt me in the end.
Nevertheless, the thirty day retreat taught me a lot of things about love and relationship. I was told that it was beyond passion…or a whirlwind romance…it’s more of a mystery being unfolded gradually through witnessing. Later on, I was asked to let go and surrender in order that I may be free. In human understanding, it’s more of an irony. I kept on asking myself: “How could I be free if I am bound to somebody?” Parody, isn’t it? Yet, my daily encounters with God have convinced me to believe that this surrender would set my heart free. True enough, my submission became my redemption. I wish to elaborate some more, or perhaps, mumble words ad infinitum but the experience itself would suffice everything. A doze of God’s immense love has urged me to forego lucidity for a while. But, allow me to share a parable…my own parable, which will somehow give you a parcel of my journey into the unknown:
November 30, 2005 . Around
8:30 A.M. I found myself standing in front of a tree, towering in height, with sturdy trunk and extended branches. Underneath it was a seedling, with its tiny roots struggling to penetrate into the ground. I talked to both of them, telling them that even though they could not speak their sentiments to me, they have this extraordinary way of communicating. They reveal themselves not just in my senses, but also in my mind and my heart.
I fixed my gaze first unto the tree, affirming her longevity. I’ve been telling her that she has become a witness to many “passer bys” on the pathway where I was standing. She affirmed my assertion, but she didn’t tell me her age. She just showed me her strong branches and thick foliage, proof that she has been a resident of this place, long before the buildings were built and the roads were paved. She has been a humble abode to different kinds of birds, who built their nest on her resilient kindling. It was no doubt that she was old and time has taught her to be wise. I asked her if how long she will continue to live. She simply told me that she doesn’t know and everything depends on the one who created her.
Then, I fixed my gaze on the seedling. I told her the same things I did with the tree. I even asked her the same questions because I was so worried about her chance for survival. I was wondering if she will ever grow into a tree for the inevitability that hungry insects may feast on her delicate leaves. She simply told me that she doesn’t know and everything is still up to the one who has given her life. At this moment, she just contents herself with the nutrients she received from the earth where her tiny roots are clinging. She just depends on the rays of the sun and drops of rain for sustenance. She was young, helpless, and vulnerable but she was hopeful. The struggles of adapting herself with the harsh environment and openness to the present reality have made her wise.
Pondering on what they have just said to me, I heard God telling me something about dependence. I am not in full control of everything, including my destiny. I have plans in my mind but they could change over time. Just like the tree and the seedling, God controls my life because he was the one who gave it in the first place. He doesn’t demand anything from me except that I should continuously be amenable to his promptings. It’s so amazing to realize that even the simplest, often ignored or even forgotten creations, like the tree and the seedling could open my awareness and understanding to profound truths of life. They have taught me lessons on openness, surrender, freedom, survival, and growth. End of the story…
Perhaps, you’re asking me this time how am I feeling. Sorry to disappoint you but I find it hard to explain. But mind you, I had the best days of my life. God has been so good and my gratefulness at the moment can be captured by the words expressed by Danton Remoto, in his letter to his beloved: (which I rephrased) “May liwanag na nagmumula sa loob ng aking katawan. Ang dalawa kong kamay ay nakasalikop sa kandilang nasa kaibuturan ng aking puso. Aalagaan at iingatan ko ito. Walang hangin na makakapatay nito…”