Heart of Mine Part 3
Somebody texted me this bittersweet thought about love…
"Many of us believe that love is forever…that love never dies…only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing…we mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled…but LOVE is only a GIFT given to us…we should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave…we should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts and then freely open our arms when it is time to say goodbye…"
Uncategorized | Comment (1)My Alter Ego
Today, my father celebrates his 64th birthday. I have always wanted to write a lot of good things about him but I’m having difficulties articulating it because of the fact that we’re not really that expressive in showing our feelings and emotions to each other. We’d rather content ourselves often with blank stares and one-liners which took me some time to figure out. I know communication is not an issue for both of us but I’m quite idealistic with my views that I always ended up nagging for the things which he can’t actually give.
In my 26 years of dealing with him, I just have to face the fact that he’s not the effusive type who would hug me in public and who would swear to people that he truly loves his two sons and two daughters. But one thing’s for sure, though he will never show it in words and in actions, he has been devoted to us through the years in ways we can never imagine….
I had so many fond memories with Papa. When we were young, my brother and I would cry every time he would snugly fool around with us. He would wrestle with us in bed that we would complain of his playfulness. He is like a child probably because he is the youngest in their brood and he’s trying to claim the joy and freedom of his forgotten youth. His mother died when he was only 12. They were so hard up in life that he was made to sacrifice a lot of things. His older siblings could no longer support him because they have families to attend to. He finished school because of his personal initiatives, but he wasn’t able to take the mechanical engineering board examinations because he can’t afford to pay the testing fee. He worked as a security guard in a telephone company but when his colleagues found out that he has the capacity to do some cable splicing, they recommended him to the management. The rest, they say is history.
He is a generous and faithful husband (though he can be very stingy at times). In the entire 37 years of his married life, coupled with cyclical misunderstandings and war of words (or even nerves!) with his wife, he remained loyal and honest. I will never forget the day when he told us that he has never failed in loving Nanay. He asserted with full conviction that he would never leave her side despite her recurrent misgivings. Right there and then, he has shown me what true love is—to love unconditionally the real and the mundane, not the ideal. Zenaida will always be “the woman” of Felipe’s life. Their love story has inspired me so much that there was even a time when I wanted to compose a script and send it perhaps to a radio or television station in order to be immortalized.
On his special day, I just want to give him the due honor and respect. He is one of a kind and he will always be my inspiration. He has taught me a lot of things in life and I owe him my vocation. Before, it is quite hard for me to reconcile the fact that we’re almost the same in so many respects- features, attitudes, character, personality, but later, I have come into terms that I am like him and I’m so proud to be his alter ego.
Pa, Happy Birthday! I love you!
Uncategorized | Comment (0)The Chronicle of an Insomniac
The night seemed so long and excruciating…I was still lying in my bed with eyes wide open…I’m halfway through in counting steps and sheep but it was still difficult to be dead to the world…
I stood up to look for my Marlboro sticks. Amidst the creeping darkness, I puffed in eternity but wasn’t pacified…I found myself alone and in daze, as my mind wandered and wondered inside a four-cornered room…
I turned on the light…pointed my forefinger to the eclectic display of uncrammed books, hoping to find a good read that will somehow make me disappear into the oblivion…
I opened the door of my veranda and had a glimpse of the night sky… I aimed at identifying the diverse assemblage of stars despite my consternation…I was forcing myself to get hold of this vast universe as I tussled with my faith and superstition…
I closed my eyes while seated, trying to calm my probing mind, jaded heart and restless soul…I burned incense and indulged with its pungent smell, situating myself in a time-forgotten portal, where my windswept imagination has the sole right to cross the threshold…
“Damn! It’s 3 o’clock in the morning!”
I have tried all the possible means of falling into deep slumber but I can only wait for the day…
I came up with a resolution. I will never drink Coke Light again…
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Celine Dion
So inspired by Noelle De Jesus’ Fast Food Fiction (Collection of Short Stories) so I decided to come up with my own…
Celine was riding a taxi headed for the airport. She came all the way from Tomas Morato and it seems to be an endless trip. In her pensive mood, she was not pretty sure this time if she really wanted to go to the
U.S. for a “greener pasture”, though she had no choice but to pursue that dream. There was pressure from her family and peers.
A part of her wants to stay. She is searching for the missed points in her life and at the moment, she keeps on reminiscing fond memories in the past for the sake of killing time…. Or perhaps, for the reason of lingering.
Flashback… Circa 1996. She was in high school then…
Celine wasn’t really the prettiest in class but she’s definitely the smartest. She’s known for her gift of gab which gained her a lot of friends from the entire student population. She had a huge crush on Dion, a basketball varsity who’s a dead-ringer of a famous matinee idol. It took some time for them to be friends, thanks to the copious school organizations where they actually met and mingled. Funny how fate became responsible for the blossoming of their friendship because in their recurring conversations, they found out that they share almost the same passion- music (they both like alternative music and they consider Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love as their icon), literature (they’ve read all the books of Stephen King and Anne Rice), and sports (He plays basketball. She plays tennis).
Dion would bring Celine home after school and it will always be a cloud nine experience for her. She can’t wait for the next day where they could be together again. Months passed and their relationship grew deeper though they still can’t admit their real feelings for each other. All they ever cared about was the fact that they’re somewhat inseparable and that would be enough at the moment.
Now February comes, and this would mean that the most anticipated event in the life of every high school student will soon take place: The Juniors-Seniors Prom. Celine was in the offing for Dion to ask her if she could be his date on that special night. In her excitement, she thought of a lot of whimsy scenarios that would tickle her fickle mind. She even swore to herself that Dion could be the one whom she will marry someday. He is her knight in shining armor. Her world revolves around him. He is her everything.
Days passed and she never heard a word from him, even a trivial remark on the forthcoming high school ball. Though they were together most of the time, there was an unexplainable silence on the part of Dion. Later, Celine found out that her beloved took Jane, her classmate as his partner to the prom.
She was devastated. She didn’t attend the prom despite all her preparations. She locked herself inside her room, cried profusely while looking at her nice lavender gown and black stilettos. She will never have the chance to wear them anymore. Her fantasy of being a princess became bleak…Dion broke her heart. In her pondering, she realized that maybe, she’s just too assuming and it would be better to forget about him and move on. What happened to her and Dion was pure disillusionment, an ill-fated love story.
She didn’t go to class for three days. When she came back, things have changed. Celine and Dion were now complete strangers. They would pass at each other by the corridor minus the usual cheer and greeting. In all likelihood, their only means of communication was the occasional glance, a show of dismay and regret for all that was lost. They both finished high school and trailed their own ambitions.
“Manong, pakibilis lang po ng pagmamaneho. Mali-late na po ako.”
As she approached the international airport, Celine finally figured out why she was hesitant to leave. She was still waiting for Dion, whom she never met for ten long years. Time hasn’t healed her completely and her heart still bleeds for the guy who stole her heart ages ago. She continues to hold on to the optimism that someday, their paths will cross again and if that happens, she will never let him go.
However, her psychologist friend told her that it is insane to keep someone who is no longer relevant. Oh well, she may have a point, but Celine doesn’t know what relevance really meant. In her silence, she humbly admitted to herself that she only has this memory of a person whom she treasured so much. It is almost impossible to break free from the nostalgia. Despite her sadness, she still pulled the knob, opened the door of the taxi, carried all her things, and proceeded immediately to the pre-departure area. As she entered the plane, Dion was still in her thoughts.
“Welcome aboard Flight 3567 bound for
San Francisco ”.
Celine was trying to make herself comfortable with the reclining seat. This will be her first long airplane trip and the feeling was overwhelming. She managed to close her eyes in order to take a nap when suddenly a male flight attendant woke her up asking;
“Care for a drink Ma’am?” he uttered in a faint voice.
She looked at him and her eyes glistened. He seemed familiar.
First love never dies…
928 words
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