5th Heartbeat

WHAT IS SIMPLE IS TRUE

December 24, 2008. A usual cold and breezy afternoon… I walked along the front area of the cathedral in order to check whether the Christmas tree installed by the parish youth ministry was already filled with decorations. After I have scrutinized every color and detail, I diverted my gaze on the two massive pilasters that supported the porch where the historic image of Our Lady was placed. The corners seemed to be very significant because they reminded me of an experience I had a year ago, when I was disillusioned about the celebration of Christmas Season. I plunged incredulously from my anticipation as I kept on telling myself that probably, this would be my saddest Christmas ever, not for the reason that I was miles away from home or my parents were not around. It’s just that I was so frustrated with what was happening to me then that the lights, sounds, and revelries were not appealing at all. Looking back, I gave myself a deep sigh, grateful that somehow I did not completely give in to my personal aches and fall into the disbelief of having a “good for nothing” Christmas.

Set adrift along memory bliss…

December 24, 2007. A usual cold and breezy afternoon…I walked along the front area of the cathedral as I waited for some folks to arrive so we can start our practice for the Christmas Eve Eucharistic Celebration.I was discerning whether I should go home or not on December 25 because there were things that fell out of place in our home. You see, when you’re left to look after your parents, you can’t help but be idealistic about them, expecting them to be like this or be like that. I got so frustrated with certain decisions they made and it broke my heart to hear from people some unlikely remarks on them. I wanted to confront papa and nanay but my pride has gotten into my nerves that I have decided not to bother at all, and my option of not seeing them on Christmas Day would serve as my own act of rebellion. As I indulged myself to “the crazy-making pleasures I got from own pain” (Thanks Fr. Robert de Grandis, SSJ for this expression), I saw two women sitting at both ends of the cathedral pilasters, begging for alms. I wanted to avoid them but they called me, telling me they needed jeepney fare because they wanted to go home to their place somewhere in Lapaz. I was taken aback. While I was so hesitant to go home to my parents who failed to condescend to my principles, here are two mothers doing the best they could just to be with their family on Christmas Day. While I reasoned out for possible excuses to nurture the hurt inside my heart, these women modestly presented to me what is simple, honest and true: to go beyond my logic and to plainly take love in its purest form. They made me realize that my family is not perfect and I am only invited to love perfectly the imperfect. And perhaps, this is what Christmas is all about.

I told the women to wait for a while as I hurriedly bought some food from a nearby grocery store so they could have something to eat for their Noche Buena. And of course, I gave them money for their jeepney fare. At the back of my mind, it was just a small token for a bigger-than-myself message they conveyed in my heart and for reminding me the real meaning of Christmas.

The next morning, without thinking twice, I took the early jeepney trip to celebrate Christmas day with my family.

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First Heartbeat…

Candle Light is a non-profit weekly paper published by Our Lady of Candles Parish, Jaro, Iloilo City. This 12-page periodical has served as the education thrust of the parish for the past 17 years (and still counting!). Being the new editor-in-chief, I was given the privilege to have my own column…

Heartbeats…Why Heartbeats? Actually I have no idea who conceptualized this column (I’d like to believe that it’s the first editor..but there are a lot of stories and urban legends associating this person with this…blah…blah..blah…anyway, I wouldn’t care much because I’m already the tenth,hehehe) and why he came up with such a mushy title (I ‘overheard’ this from somebody. I just don’t get it when people associate heart with mushiness, do you?) but in my own understanding, it is just a simple, honest-to-goodness attempt to speak my heart out.

I have always wanted to post my weekly column but I didn’t have the time…not until now (obviously!). So, I just hope that I will make sense to whoever will stumble upon this blog, and waste time reading my snippets.

HEART BEATS (November 30, 2008)

(Life is one of those precious fleeting gifts and everything can change in a heart beat…)

Everything starts from the basic.

The strength and longevity of a particular thing is dependent on its very foundation.

The realization of one’s goal is carried out by his ideals, hopes and dreams.

The mechanism of any single life form is enthused by its rudimentary fractions.

“The journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step”.

These are the thoughts I had in mind when I was groping for something sensible to write in this column as I took my position as the new editor-in-chief of the parish weekly paper. I have to admit, albeit hesitantly, that there was fear in my heart. As I skimmed through the past issues of Candle Light, I kept on asking myself whether I will be able to give justice to the enduring legacies of my predecessors who have contributed much to the success of this publication in the past 17 years.

Big shoes to fill for a neophyte!

But there is one statement that continues to motivate me despite my recurring paranoia: “KARI KAMO ANG TANAN NAHANDA NA: PADULONG SA BUG-OS NGA PAGHILIUSA” (English Translation: Come! Everything is ready for the fullness of Communion!; 3^rd Diocesan Synod of Jaro). It is an invitation for unity in faith and aspiration among the People of God who go beyond the fact that they are only drawn together by their social or cultural similarities. This weekly paper could be an opportunity for the implementation of the program statement of the Parish of Our Lady of Candles who is gearing towards the fullness of communion among its faithful. Indeed, there are so many cold hearts we wish to touch, so many anxious minds we wish to educate, so many lonely souls we wish to unite, so many eager hands we wish to mobilize, yet these will only remain as “spin-offs” of our fickle minds if there will be no avenues for them to be actualized. I have high hopes that this publication will continue to bring inspiration to people from all walks of life because history would claim that it has served the evangelization thrust of our parish.

I still have a lot of things to say but I guess I have to tame my “pregnant” mind at the moment and save the rest for the next issues. I’d like to end this with a quote from my favourite Filipino writer (I didn’t mention him in the actual publication, but I’ll mention him in this blog…It’s Danton Remoto, hahaha!!!) who said something about LIGHT, which is very suggestive of the title of our weekly paper:

“Ang aking kamay ay nakasalikop sa ILAW na nagliliyab sa kaibuturan ng aking puso…Iingatan ko ang ILAW na ito…walang hangin ang makakapatay nito”.

I have always been a firm believer in the power of pen and paper.

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Fourth Heartbeat…

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

In a world of broken promises, swear-it-alls, and “I can do this but later I can’t”, saying “YES” at times can be very droning because you are caught between the need of relieving yourself from the pressure of doing an unreasonable request and the possibility of having that guilt feeling of turning down somebody who is asking a favour. In the end, you resent whatever decisions that you have made, blaming yourself that you should’ve done the opposite, tormenting your ego with the dilemma that you created inside your head.

Honestly speaking, I also experience the same difficulty once in a while. It is distressing to go over the usual procedure of saying ‘yes’ or saying ‘no’ to opportunities and people especially if I am dealing with something good, something ideal, and something valuable. Time and again, I have proven to myself that it is really hard to prioritize things that are precious (yet fleeting!) because of the emotional mayhem they can possibly inflict on me. Whether I like it or not, I have to take risk, make a crucial choice, and sacrifice the erstwhile options. Even though I am being taught how to undergo discernment process, sometimes, it’s just hard to let go of the best damn things. (Pardon for the use of ‘damn’. You see, when your mind and heart get confused on the choices that you have to make, you are left with unusual blurts that reveal so much the pangs of your conscience).

Enough about my rhetoric. You might think that I’m selling the drama. To make things short, I just want you to know that I’m a self-confessed ‘sigurista’ who at times too afraid to choose what is not customary because of that wariness I entertain subconsciously. It has always been a struggle for me to deal with mistakes and failures because in the past, they have steadily crippled my self-confidence.

Anyway, I am saying this because I just wonder if Mary had the same dilemma when the angel told her that she will be the mother of the Messiah. Given her human tendencies, I believe she too experienced tremendous fear [i] because God’s offer to her was humungous. But despite her initial apprehension to the larger than life invitation of God, in the end, what matters most is her TRUST—her simple, free, and gentle trust. While I complained about the wrong decisions that I have made and jeered at my personal worth, she listened intently to the promptings of God and followed them with all her heart. While I put myself in the tight spot of choosing what is best, what is right, and what is valuable, she austerely chose the will of God and stood by it from the moment she conceived Jesus in her womb until she witnessed her son’s death on the cross.While I fumbled in reasoning out to somebody whose request I accepted or turned down, she steadfastly said ‘YES’ to her Divine Master without worrying too much on what will happen in the future.While I remorsefully wrestled with my priorities and slowly gobbled down by my disbelief, she set aside her reservations and said with full conviction, “I am the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to your word”.

I am ashamed of Mary. Her faith in God mortifies me. There is really something about her that makes her ‘blessed’. And I just wish I could have a tinge of it.

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Third Heartbeat…

SANCTITY AND SANITY

“The moment you’re thinking of giving up, think of the reasons why you held on for so long” (text message from ‘Kano’, circa July 2007)

When I was still a seminarian, we had this weekend apostolate in a depressed area somewhere in Novaliches, Quezon City. One of the programs we introduced as part of the BEC implementation was “Bibliarasal”. Every week, we gather inside the house of the host family and have a simple fellowship- we pray, we read the gospel, we have faith sharing and if our budget permits, we prepare merienda for everyone. It has always been a rewarding experience for me because I could really feel the desire of these poor people to divulge something about their everyday encounters with God. One particular instance, we assembled in a dilapidated residence of Ate Nancy (not her real name) located at the outskirts of a huge compound. The usual bible service turned out to be a revelation of their own religious experience and I was deeply moved by the depth of their sharing. I was particularly struck by the testimony of Ate Nancy who was so frustrated with her family life. She told us that she was a rebellious child in her teenage years. Being an only daughter, she abused all the privileges given to her by her parents. In the end, she was forced to leave their house because of the mess she created. She dropped out from school and married a man she didn’t even love just to prove that she was independent enough to live on her own. At the moment, she is having regrets for all the mistakes she had done in her life. Her husband is a drunkard. He too is an irresponsible father who doesn’t give much attention to the future of their two children and would only speak insulting words every time he is being confronted. In their 18 years of marriage, all she could remember are the constant fights and the recurring attempts of separation.

Ate Nancy’s only consolation is her church involvement. At first, I thought it was just a form of escapism, trying to make herself busy at church in order that she will be able to run away from her family responsibilities, but her colleagues in the area told me that after she serves at mass, she immediately goes home to attend to the needs of her children and then proceeds to the nearby subdivision to do the laundry of two or three families. She has been doing it for quite sometime and whenever she is asked by people how she was able to manage all of these things, she would simply say (teary-eyed), “May awa ang Dios. Balang araw, makakaraos din. Pasalamat din ako sa simbahan. Siguro kung hindi ako naging miembro ng BEC at ng usherette doon, baka ano na ang nangyari sa akin!” Indeed, the church has kept her sane and unperturbed. Her participation in the various ministries was not actually an excuse that restrained her from facing her actual problems in life. In fact, she even told us that as she wakes up each morning, the reality of a life full of twists and turns would still confront her. Yet she remained unfazed, with much optimism that something good will come out of her seemingly desperate situation. She got her ‘guts’ from her fellow church workers and BEC members who patiently listened to her endless woes. Her helplessness has led her to seek help from God…and this search has led her to enter the church…and she experienced the “church” from people who oftentimes use their woundedness as gestures of hope for those who long for guidance and enlightenment. She has seen the light and this light compels her to put her trust in God, the ultimate source of all human courage and strength. Of course, these things were made possible with a little help from her friends…in the church and in the community where she belongs.

Now it can be told: one has to grow in sanctity in order to preserve his / her sanity.

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Second Heartbeat…

Heart Beats (December 7, 2008)

I spent my weekend in San Dionisio last week. Yon (a seminarian on regency who accompanied me) and I braved the dark highways of northern Iloilo at escalating speed with the objective that we will be able to reach the town before midnight (or maybe before the alleged “witching hour”?). We were surprised that we arrived there after an hour and forty five minutes because we thought that it will take us more than what we actually expected (we didn’t include the additional 15 minutes of desperately seeking the parish convent for the streets looked more like a labyrinth under the shadowy moonlight).

The friendly nephew of our gracious host escorted us to her residence. Since it was late already, we never had the chance to mull over the place. Besides, what was inside my mind during those times was the urgent need to prepare my homily for the Sunday Mass. The ambience was nice but I thought it was just a typical house on a hill. Without much eagerness on what’s in store for me tomorrow, I fell on a deep slumber. Zzzzzz.

The next day, as sunlight cleared out the supposed sightless spectacle, we discovered that the hill where her house was built is actually a cove and I could see the nearby islands, even the one that I only used to read from an enlarged map of the Iloilo Province (familiar with Pan de Azucar?). The place is so serene. I was carried away by the surreal landscapes. I profusely said to the owner, “It’s heaven here on earth!” (I am not exaggerating! Sceptics can personally approach me to see the pictures). We talked a lot on how everything was put in place but in the many things that she said to me, one particular statement caught my attention, “Father, sang una puro na diri cogon kag tag-as nga hilamon,  (”Father, at first, this place was full of tall grasses and shrubs”) but I saw a vision…the same as what you see right now”.

She was a visionary. A person who is so optimistic about the future that she never stopped dreaming… and she really worked hard to fulfil her dreams! Now it pays off. One could see how the human spirit triumphs amidst adversities. As a newly ordained priest, I was moved to reflect on my own dreams too. But this is not just a selfish product of my fickle mind. This is a shared dream…and it gives me a deeper sense of joy every time I imagine it being fulfilled at the back of my mind. I am happy because I am part of it, and you should be a part of this dream too…you…yes you! the one who is reading this column right now. Help us fulfil this dream, this vision, this mission…for our parish, for our church (To know what it is all about…you have to read the theme of this Sunday’s issue…see below).

“Foresight”!

(PART 1 of Reflections on the Program Statement of the Parish of Our Lady of Candles)

“Prepare the way!!!”

One of the distinguishing characteristics of the Gospel of Mark is the fact that it conveys the idea of a foresight, a perception of the significance and nature of events before they actually occurred. The evangelist starts the story of Jesus not with his conception and nativity but a long way back in history. Unlike other gospels, the narrative that was initially written were the dreams of the prophets long ago, that is to say, it began long, long ago in the mind of God. [1] The statement, “Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight His paths” (Mark 1:3) would suggest an on-going process which is beyond one’s history for it is something that is directed by God who sees the end in the beginning.[2] Thus the reader is privileged to see an eventual purpose that will likely take place, provided that he has to do his part in making it real.

In the conceptualization of every parish mission/ vision, the same idea is also adopted by the pastor and the faithful. The statements that are being presented should always be future-oriented, yet they are also grounded in the here and now, with concrete steps for their actualization. There must be a certain dynamism that will be involved in order that these things will not just remain as yearnings which will eventually lead to discouragement, but corroborating factors for growth, development and integration.

This second week of Advent, the focus of reflection will be on the first statement of our three-year parish program. Indeed, it is providential because it coincides (again!) with the message contained in the beginning of the Gospel of St. Mark. Our goal, “ang paghanda sang Parokya sang Nuestra Señora dela Candelaria padulong sa bug-os nga paghilusa” should definitely start with a specific pastoral program that will be implemented in the various sectors of our parish, first of which is the intensification of the Basic Ecclesial Communities, through the establishment of cells. For the record, there are twenty two (22) baranggays that comprise the Our Lady of Candles Parish and as an initial step, three baranggays will serve as pilot areas for the said implementation.

The Importance of Basic Ecclesial Community

The Basic Ecclesial Community is ultimately geared towards the breadth of communion. It is for the fact that all human beings are relational by nature and it has been a constant desire of man to be affiliated in a particular group or organization. However, what makes BEC unique from mere human affiliations is that it is a community of the baptized, of the Christian faithful who are willing to follow the examples of Jesus Christ by genuine altruism and disinterested service. Christ’s concept of communion is basically incarnational, because he has saved us through his coming into the world, which eventually led to his suffering, death and resurrection on the cross. Therefore, every member of a particular Christian community must possess this very same idea of self-denial and sacrifice in the way he deals with his brothers and sisters. Pope John Paul II has taught that Christian community is a gift of the Holy Spirit and usually the result of the “continual interaction” of community members[3]. To concretize this paradigm, members of a community should make decisions that will build into their daily lives occasions for many interactions with members of their community. To speed up the growth of Christian community, members of the community should consider living in the same house, belonging to the same parish, doing some of the same ministries, living in the same neighborhood, schooling their children together, sharing materially with one another, and simplifying their lives. If God unites communities in some of these major decisions, they will grow in holiness and numbers much more quickly.[4] While this is true in the implementation of our three- year parish pastoral program, perhaps, we can also claim that there are areas that don’t have to start from scratch anymore because there have been existing basic ecclesial communities before. But, then there was a period of lapse and recent observations would claim that they need to be re-established, re-organized, and re-evangelized in the light of the 3^rd Diocesan Synod of Jaro.

(to be continued in the next issue…)

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