13th Heart Beat

HEALING AND PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

Philippine General Hospital. No other place on earth I have ever experienced such struggle of the human spirit as I brave the hallways of this apparently dismal institution where life and death, sanity and madness, courage and fear collide. At times, I find myself in an emotional whirlwind, trying to figure out my feelings as I make a choice of whether to play numb or give in to the situation. If there’s one word that best describes my sentiments everytime I enter the doorways of each service ward I am assigned to visit for patient care and counselling, it would have to be helplessness. In my encounters with sick people, I am often placed in a confusing stance as I ask myself the following questions:

Imagine that you are standing right next to a person in her deathbed as she grimaces in pain due to an illness which cannot be treated and you catch yourself dumbfounded because you don’t know how to handle the situation…what would you do?

Imagine that you are trying your best to alleviate the seemingly hopeless situation (perhaps, in your own little way) yet the chances are at odds and you’re struggling to hold back your tears because you can’t do anything about it…what would you do?

Imagine that you’re listening to a person’s woes and she’s wailing in front of you, not for the pain her sickness had caused her but for the fact that she was all alone, and her loved ones abandoned her…what would you do?

Imagine that you’re beside a person whose accident has traumatized her that much that she’s unwilling to forgive the one who made her life miserable despite the fact that you’ve been wasting your time telling all the blahs about love and forgiveness…what would you do?

These are the usual scenarios I encounter every time I visit the sick patients lying on their bedposts. I thought I’d be able to handle the various dilemmas given the fact that I’m equipped with theological and pastoral skills I’ve learned from school. I was wrong. In real life situations, when you have the chance of getting a grip out of people’s lives, you will find yourself being humbled and you will realize that indeed, there is so much to learn. And from the many faces I came across the hospital ward, they would always tell me that they are hoping for the day they will receive healing, not just for their physical ailments but for their emotional and spiritual hurts as well. They are after the possibility of a personal transformation, a metamorphosis and a change of heart that will truly make them better persons for their loved ones as they await for the actual cure. Indeed, it is a lasting proof that what should receive healing first and foremost is the inner human core in order to battle life’s endless sorrows and dissensions. Ironically, healing takes place as the person suffers from sickness because his physical state will bring him to a consciousness that he is not invincible and there is a God whom he can depend on when everything else fails.

I’d like to end this with a thought. In his poem, “Fever”, John Updike, in all jocularity tells something about inner healing that accompanies one’s sickness:

I have brought back a good

message from the land of 102 degrees:

God exists.

I had seriously doubted it before;

but the bedposts spoke of it with utmost confidence,

the threads in my p blanket took it for granted,

the tree outside the window dismissed all complaints,

and I have not slept so justly for years.

It is hard, now, to convey

how emblematically appearances sat

upon the membranes of my consciousness;

but it is truth long known,

that some secrets are hidden from health.

Oddly enough, sickness can at times bring out the best in people…if only one wishes to be healed by the loving hands of God.

Uncategorized | Comment (0)

12th Heartbeat

A LOVE STORY

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

-Etta James, At last

I am a self-confessed hopeless romantic. I usually get this giddy feeling every time I watch dreamy love stories on the boob tube or listen to soul-gripping ballads on the radio. At times, it’s nice to lose myself to every scenes of the movie or to every lyrics of the song because I am constantly presented with the many facets of love—the joy, the fulfilment, the confusion, the loneliness, the pain, and the anger it brings. But just when I thought that I already had this utter indulgence on the quintessential longing of the human heart and spirit, there is still so much to learn, especially if you deal with love in real life.

I am saying this because I was reminded of a couple I met a year ago. In my own experience, perhaps I can say that they are regarded as the most bizarre yet if there’s one great love story ever told, it would have to be theirs, since they have stood all the dire odds just to fight for each other. They have shown me that love is not just an implied sentiment that can satisfy one’s yearning for companionship, but a journey that defies time and circumstance, liberating an individual from all the suspicions of this seemingly disapproving world, leading him to truth and serenity.

Allow me to share to you their story:

He’s 75 and she’s 50. They have been together for more than twenty years, but every day, they are being sneered at by the prying eyes of their neighborhood because of the fact that their relationship was allegedly incestuous. According to their family story, the woman was believed to be the granddaughter of the man and we know for sure that in a culture defined by religious moral codes, this case is scandalous for most. Thus, they would often stoop down their heads every time they meet groups of people because of shame and guilt which they don’t actually deserve. For the longest time, they have been the recurrent subjects of mockery and gossip because their neighbors would at times swear that they are such a disgrace to the community.

One fateful day, the man was asked to do a menial job at the convent and he had a conversation with the parish priest. As time progressed, they became friends and the parish priest knew about the couple’s sad plight. They were actually eager to get married in the church in order to end all speculations but because their relationship was still considered a taboo by the unsympathetic community, they just decided to be tight-lipped on the matter and eluded their desire of sanctifying their union, even if their children are already getting older. In an attempt to help resolve the issue of this couple, the parish priest submitted their case to the chancery office for deliberation. An investigation followed. As a result, it turned out that the grandmother of the woman, who believed to be the older sister of the man, was not in fact, his real sister. The mother of “her” mother is just “his” half-sister and that made their relationship valid because it was not incestuous at all. As soon as the records were validated, everything was prepared for their wedding. The parish priest’s insistence to clear out the issue of this couple was inspired by the fact that they have truly loved each other. They stood up for their relationship despite the many years of unkind treatment from people who can’t seem to understand the real meaning of love. Their journey was really gruelling but then they have managed to cross the boundaries, unfazed by constant insults, indifference and rejection. Their triumph has become a testimony of a commitment that is for keeps and their unwavering love for each other has indeed explained all the ambiguities brought about by human logic and justification. It is a revelation of a mystery, gradually unfolded through constant witnessing that enables the individual to let go and be free to love and be loved in return.

I wasn’t able to attend their wedding, but I’m pretty sure that they were the happiest couple in the whole world. Lately, I just heard from somebody that whenever they pass by the neighborhood, their happy faces would show the dignity and self-respect that were once deprived from them. They can now bump into anybody with much joy and confidence. In this crazy-making life, it is never too late to be at peace with your one true love…and finding that one true love is enough reason to face all the odds. At last, love has given them so much freedom to choose happiness and meaning despite the adversity. Their union is more than just a fairy-tale because they have proven to everybody that love does not have happy endings for it simply never ends. Now, I do not wonder why love is coupled with forever.

Happy Valentines Day!

Uncategorized | Comments Off

11th Hearbeat

AFTERTHOUGHT

Posted in an on-line news report:

When Manny Pacquiao goes on the ring to complete his “unfinished business” with Juan Manuel Marquez on Sunday, March 16, 2008, the Philippine National Police (PNP) expects another zero-crime rate in the country. PNP spokesman Sr. Supt. Nicanor Bartolome on Thursday said authorities anticipate most Filipinos to be hooked to their television sets again during the duration of Pacquiao’s boxing match with Marquez. “Just like in the past fights of Manny Pacquiao, we expect again a tremendous decrease in the crime volume this Sunday, or even to the extent of anticipating a zero-crime rate during the period of the fight”, Bartolome said in a news briefing at Camp Crame. “This goes to show that we Filipinos are really in support of a countryman who will again show the true form of a Filipino boxer” he added. But Bartolome assured the public that despite this anticipated low crime incidence, the PNP will not let down its guard, especially against criminals who might also take advantage of the situation.”Even during the boxing bouts of Pacquiao, the PNP does not relax. It doesn’t mean that the PNP will not do its job anymore”, Bartolome said.

The last time that the crime in our country went down drastically was when Pope John Paul II visited the Philippines in 1995, during the celebration of World Youth Day.

And Manny Pacquiao was not yet a boxing legend.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t like Manny Pacquaio at all. In fact, I admire him for making us Filipinos proud for all the achievements and honor he has given not just for himself but for our country. I am only seeing a paradox here. We equate a boxing phenomenon with a Pope. The former just knocked out his opponent after several rounds of heavy punching in what seemed to be a bloody fight, while the latter is a Holy Man, whose Sainthood is on the process. I don’t see any parallelism between the two but I think the Boxer prevailed over the Pope. I even overheard from somebody that Manny Pacquiao could be an answer to our nation’s prevailing problems: “Mas maayo kung pirme may boxing match si Manny Pacquiao, at least naganubo ang insidente sang krimen diri sa aton pungsod!”.

An Irony of Ironies!

But it was very well-said. I totally agree that a proclaimed hero has done something to alleviate the many felonies of this often-troubled country. Yet, this truth has also brought me to an aching realization about certain things that didn’t work well during the recent fiesta celebration. I think something is missing and trust me, it’s not on the externals. The Feast of Our Lady of Candles this year was successful in terms of preparation, organization, and coordination. In fact, the event itself was a big accomplishment. But mind you, just when we thought that things were perfectly fine, there were untoward incidents that were not brought into the light that need to be pondered this time if we wish to assess our growth as mature and responsible Christians. I don’t intend to sound negative but I just want to speak the truth.

And here are the painful truths:

In a seemingly prayerful and festive mood, lies the evil scheme of pilfering from those unsuspecting believers who only wanted to fulfil their yearly devotion to our Lady. Few days after the fiesta, a driver told me that one passenger got inside his taxicab crying profusely because her wallet was stolen while she was attending the 7:00 Pontifical Mass inside the Jaro Cathedral. The driver was stark-raving mad as he uttered cursing words to show his disgust over the thief who used the Eucharistic Celebration to pounce on gullible church goers.

In a noble attempt to help people generate income, as they try to make a meagre but decent living by selling candles as consignment, lies the malevolence of jeopardizing the principle of supply and demand, taking advantage of those helpless buyers of the Candelaria Perdon by hoarding and stipulating a rocket-high price when stocks were decreasing in the late afternoon (from Php 100.00 selling price per pack of five candles to Php 150.00!). How’s that??? It was very, very, very un-Christian!

If only Manny Pacquiao could stage his boxing match on February 2 next year, I think the fiesta will be spared from these atrocious thieves and hoarders. Maybe Jaro will be a hundred percent (100%) peaceful and crime-free place to live in even just for a day.

I’m sure, the Nuestra Señora de la Candelaria will be a lot happier this time.

Uncategorized | Comment (0)