42nd Heartbeat

FULFILLING A DESTINY (Post Candle @ 18 Reflection)

September 9, 2009. I was surprised to see people flocking into the entrance doors of Jaro Cathedral in order to attend the 5:30 P.M. Mass in honor of Our Blessed Mother, whose birthday we commemorated. Coincidentally, it was also the 18^th year anniversary of the parish weekly paper, Candle Light. In my reflection, I was actually groping for words especially on how I will be able to connect everything in order to make sense until I came up with one word: DESTINY.

Albert Einstein, one of the famous modern scientists who gave significant contributions in the field of Physics, defined destiny as “everything determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is ascertained for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, would all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper”. It appears that everything is written under the vast constellations of the night sky that we have no other choice but to submit ourselves to where fate will lead us in the offing. Einstein’s definition may sound appealing but I’m afraid if this will be taken seriously, it may create an attitude of passivity because it seems that there is nothing we can do to change our future, or maybe, if we really decide to pursue the things in store for us in all likelihood based on our human instinct, we are not given the optimism to creatively engage in them and be convinced that we personally claim them as our own.I still would like to believe that our destiny is a matter of choice and upon choosing, we will do our very best to attain what we truly deserve.

This understanding of destiny was actually my basis in reflecting upon the very life of Mary. Sacred Scripture does not actually record Mary’s nativity but it is still celebrated because of her significant role in the economy of salvation. It is not the individual greatness of Mary that the Church celebrates, but her part in man’s redemption, a task directly connected to the own coming of Jesus Christ into the world. Lumen Gentium, Vatican’s II’s Dogmatic Constitution on the Church supports this declaration by asserting that Mary’s birth lies at the coming together of the two Testaments–bringing to an end the stage of expectation and the promises and inaugurating the new times of grace and salvation in Jesus Christ. Mary, the Daughter of Zion and ideal personification of Israel, is the last and most worthy representative of the People of the Old Covenant but at the same time she is “the hope and the dawn of the whole world.”[i] Given all these affirmations, perhaps I can conclude that Mary was destined to be the Mother of Jesus Christ, the mother of the Redeemer, who in flesh, carried in her womb this promised Messiah, the Emmanuel that signifies “God is definitely with us”. But pondering upon her life, this destiny that she accepted is not something passive, because she worked hard in order that this may reach fulfilment through the Paschal Mystery of her Son- the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ on the Cross. She actually introduced a paradox which most of us never learn, even in our entire lifetime: that destiny is not just received or accepted but it is also something that we work for; that hope is not just merely an expectation of something out of nothing but an acknowledgement of our present gifts, as we await for the greater gifts that are yet to come. Her coming into the world as well as her motherhood is a fusion of predestination and grace, by which our faith and reason are given this extra-ordinary privilege of unfolding the mystery of the Word made Flesh through the humanity of Jesus Christ.

Last week when we were having breakfast, Fr. Andy shared to us priests that everything that was blessed, inaugurated, and launched during the birthday of Mama Mary became successful and lasting. He actually made mention three important institutions that have been present in our parish for the longest time- The Saint Elizabeth of Hungary Kinder School, the Libreria Candelaria and of course, our Parish Weekly Paper, the Candle Light. Guided by this certainty, the Parish Multi-Purpose Cooperative was also launched on the Nativity of Our Mother with a blessing of the Candle-Making Factory in Buhang, Jaro. With all these important happenings in the life of our parish, I am again reminded of that word “destiny” particularly in the continued existence of Candle Light. I would like to believe that there are things that are destined to last long, confidently surpassing the various challenges of time not only because it is preordained, but because there are really persons who have worked hard for its fulfilment. And this is perhaps the untold secret of Candle Light’s continuing success, a reminiscent of what Saint Ignatius of Loyola taught about Divine Providence which complements the real definition of destiny: “To pray as if everything is dependent on God, and to work as if everything is dependent on us”.

While collating all the articles for the special anniversary edition of Candlelight, I was able to read the two articles submitted by Fr. Andy and I gave myself a deep sigh upon knowing the things the he went through as he, being the second editor, together with his editorial staff endured the birth pains of Candle Light. He admitted that one of the causes for the signature limp and cane when he was in the cathedral was Candlelight.Stress was not the culprit of his arthritis but stress worsened the pain and he thought to himself that was the reason why it dramatically subsided when he was transferred to another parish. He also mentioned that one of the underlying reasons why Fr. Emman, the third editor lost his hair was because of the stress he got from Candle Light. Good thing though, that in my time, before I assumed the responsibility as the tenth Candlelight editor, I already lost all of my hair (because I was doomed to be bald!) and I was confident enough to claim that there was nothing to lose anymore and the only prevailing indications of my stress were my bulging eye bags and my insatiable appetite for food.

But mind you, it was a necessary stress. At the end of the day, after we have submitted the lay-out for printing, after we have seen eager parishioners getting copies of our weekly paper, after we have received feedback from people who have the sincerest desire of supporting us despite our limitations and unworthiness, we realized that service is already our reward, and we believe that this stress is something born out of love and generosity. It is a stress that did not topple us into disillusionment and urged us to give up. It is a stress that actually gave us the willingness and enthusiasm to think, to reflect, to ponder, to pray, to write and to publish over and over again in the past eighteen years.

Hence, in my little and humble column this week, let me take this opportunity to thank each and everyone for your unceasing support to our Parish Weekly Paper. I know that it is not just sheer luck why Candle Light has gone this far. And to quote Manong Rio, the first editor of our Parish Weekly Paper, “Candle Light will never be appreciated apart from what it has been”.

P.S.

Some of these thoughts are excerpts from the homily I delivered during the 5:30 P.M. Mass last Tuesday, September 9, 2009.

41st Heartbeat

PESTENG YAWA! (A story of Violence)

“Pesteng Yawa Ka!”

I heard this expression from old folks in our baranggay several years ago and they usually blurt this out whenever they curse somebody who has offended them so much. The statement was born out of one’s hatred and would also entail the consequence of not giving the person a chance to redeem himself and be forgiven.

In its etymology, the expression is somewhat petrifying because it signifies two gruesome things in life: the “pest” and the “devil”…the “bane of one’s existence” and the “brute”. Sometimes, in my jocularity, I’d like to think that this “Pesteng Yawa” can be translated as “The Devilish Pest” or “The Pest-y Devil” But to use this translation in regular conversation could be the most degrading insult you can give to the human person because it’s like drowning him into the great abyss, wishing and hoping that he is rather dead than living.

Last week, I had an encounter with this “Pesteng Yawa”, a devil in disguise through a testimony narrated to me by the sister of the victim of a shoot-out. I’d like to believe in the inner goodness of the person but to those whom this “Pesteng Yawa” has hurt so much, it was so difficult for them to accept this fact. The family of the victim wanted this devil to be banished from their very eyes because they could no longer contain their abhorrence. They would want the authorities to hasten their investigation and manhunt so that the culprit will be put behind bars and suffer the perpetual incarceration. While listening to them, there was so much loathing and I was drained emotionally after the conversation.

This story of violence started with a happy and closely-knitted family. They lived harmoniously in a compound where they treated each other with much respect, supporting one another in difficult times. Then one day, the brother of the wife of the victim decided to live with them. He stayed on the other room together with his own wife and children. Everything went on smoothly except for occasional rift between the victim and his wife’s brother but it was more of a “war of the words” especially when the victim is drunk and frenzied. He would utter derogatory and sarcastic statements that often annoyed the brother of his wife. But the next morning, the victim would still find ways to settle things for good considering that he didn’t mean to say those words and he valued the fact that they are a “family.However, one ill-fated evening, the victim was drunk again and created a commotion inside their compound. His wife’s brother got upset again but never said a word. Little did they know that he bought a gun and was ready to pull the trigger during that time. When the victim went out of their wooden gate, he was shot and helplessly sprawled on the ground. He was begging to his wife’s brother not to shoot anymore but to no avail. He was gunned down over and over again until he breathed his last. There was bloodshed in the neighborhood. People panicked as they responded to the victim. The culprit and his family were able to escape that until now, they could not be found despite the thorough investigation of the authorities. The “Pesteng Yawa” found solace in the oblivion of darkness and evil.

As I was talking to the sister of the victim, I felt her pain and anguish. They wanted to take revenge. They wanted this criminal, whom they considered as “part of the family” to suffer exactly what their defenceless brother had endured in his vicious hands. In the period of our conversation, I never said a word at all because I was stunned by the things that had happened. On my way home, there was a deafening silence around me as I pondered on the existence of evil in this world. Paradoxically, this evil was created by man himself, who is considered as the pinnacle of creation- formed, shaped, fashioned after the image and likeness of God.There was a protest on my part because I have always been a firm believer in the inner goodness of the human person. Nagapati gid ko nga ang Dios wala nagtuga sining “Pesteng Yawa”.

In my consternation, I just said a little prayer, particularly to this person who has gone astray because he could no longer face the crime he has committed. If he is hiding right now, I believe that it is not just for the reason of keeping himself away from the authorities or the family of the victim. Hopefully, his escape will become an opportunity to look into his very self from the vantage point of right and wrong. I’d like to imagine that he is being bothered by his conscience right now and it will be the most difficult thing to deal with because it will make him culpable before God, who created him in the first place. Perhaps, this “Pesteng Yawa” will later on surrender to the authorities, will be subjected to the mandates of the civil law, will get jailed for life, but will eventually redeem himself before his Creator.

“In violence we forget who we truly are” (Mary McCarthy) because we choose to turn ourselves into evil rather than good…the human person that God wants us to be.

Homily Delivered During the 18th Candle Light Anniversary Mass

Maayong Hapon sa inyo tanan!

I was actually groping for words last night on what I will share to you this evening after being requested by Bishop Gerry to give the homily on this Birthday of Our Blessed Mother. Coincidentally, it is also the 18^th year anniversary of our weekly paper, Candle Light. I was trying to figure out how I will connect everything in order to make sense until I came up with one word: DESTINY. And so, allow me to share to your some few thoughts about destiny.

Albert Einstein, one of the famous modern scientists who gave significant contributions in the field of Physics, defined destiny as “everything determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is ascertained for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, would all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper”. It appears that everything is written under the vast constellations of the night sky that we have no other choice but to submit ourselves to where fate will lead us in the offing. Einstein’s definition may sound appealing but I’m afraid if this will be taken seriously, it may create an attitude of passivity because it seems that there is nothing we can do to change our future, or maybe, if we really decide to pursue the things in store for us in all likelihood based on our human instinct, we are not given the optimism to creatively engage in them and be convinced that we personally claim them as our own.I still would like to believe that our destiny is a matter of choice and upon choosing, we will do our very best to attain what we truly deserve.

This understanding of destiny was actually my basis in reflecting upon the very life of Mary, whose birth anniversary we celebrate today. Sacred Scripture does not actually record Mary’s nativity and perhaps the earliest known writing regarding her birth can be found in the Protoevangelium of James, which is an apocryphal writing from the late second century, but nevertheless we still celebrate because of Mary’s role in the economy of salvation. It is not the individual greatness of Mary that the Church celebrates, but her role in man’s redemption, a role directly connected to Jesus Christ’s own coming into the world. Besides, what matters is not the historicity of the account, but the significance of Mary’s birth as well as of Jesus. Lumen Gentium, Vatican’s II’s Dogmatic Constitution on the Church supports this declaration by asserting that Mary’s birth lies at the coming together of the two Testaments–bringing to an end the stage of expectation and the promises and inaugurating the new times of grace and salvation in Jesus Christ. Mary, the Daughter of Zion and ideal personification of Israel, is the last and most worthy representative of the People of the Old Covenant but at the same time she is “the hope and the dawn of the whole world.” With her, the elevated Daughter of Zion, after a long expectation of the promises, the times are fulfilled and a new economy is established. Ginapakita sang aton pagtuluohan ang labing dako nga responsibilidad ni Maria sa kaluwasan sang katawohan. Given all these affirmations, perhaps we can conclude that Mary was destined to be the Mother of Jesus Christ, the mother of the Redeemer, who in flesh, carried in her womb this promised Messiah, the Emmanuel that signifies “God is definitely with us”. But if we reflect upon her life, this destiny that she accepted is not something passive, because she worked hard in order that this may reach fulfilment through the Paschal Mystery of her Son- the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ on the Cross. She actually introduced a paradox which most of us never learn, even in our lifetime: that destiny is not just received or accepted but it is also something that we work for. That hope is not just merely an expectation of something out of nothing but an acknowledgement of our present gifts, as we await for the greater gifts that are yet to come. Her coming into the world as well as her motherhood is a mixture of predestination and grace, by which our faith and reason are given this extra-ordinary privilege of unfolding the mystery of the Word made Flesh through the humanity of Jesus Christ.

Sa akon nga pagpamalandong sining realidad nahanungod sa Pagkatawo sang Mahal nga Birhen Maria, ginpamalandungan ko man ang kaangtanan sini sa Pagkatawo man mismo sang aton Parish Weekly Paper, Candle Light. Sang nagligad nga semana, si Fr. Andy nag-share sa amon samtang kami nagapamahaw nga ang tanan kuno nga ginabendisyunan kag gina-launch sa sini nga adlaw ginabugayan gid sing bug-os sang Mahal nga Dios paagi sa pag-ampo sang Mahal nga Birhen sang Candelaria. And he made mention three important institutions that have been present in our parish for the longest time- The Saint Elizabeth of Hungary Kinder School, the Libreria Candelaria and of course, our Parish Weekly Paper, the Candle Light. Amo man ini ang rason nga-a subong nga adlaw, ginbendisyunan man sang aton pinalangga nga Kura Paroko ang bag-o naton nga Parish Multi-Purpose Cooperative sa may Buhang, Jaro, nga may tampad kag himpit nga paglaum nga ini sa ulihi mangin mabinungahon man paagi sa pag-giya sang aton Mahal nga Birhen. With all these important happenings in the life of our parish, I am again reminded of that word “destiny” particularly in the continued existence of Candle Light, whose 18^th birthday we also celebrate today. I would like to believe that there are things that are destined to last long, confidently surpassing the various challenges of time not only because it is preordained, but because there are really persons who have worked hard for its fulfilment. And this is perhaps the untold secret of Candle Light’s continuing success which reminded me of what Saint Ignatius of Loyola taught about Divine Providence which complements the real definition of destiny: “To pray as if everything is dependent on God, and to work as if everything is dependent on us”.

Kagapon, ginbasa ko gid sang masunson ang duha ka article nga ginsubmit ni Fr. Andy para sa special issue sang Candle Light subong nga adlaw, and I gave myself a deep sigh upon knowing the things the he went through as he, being the second editor, together with his editorial staff endured the birth pains of Candle Light. He admitted that one of the causes for the signature limp and cane when he was in the cathedral was Candlelight.Stress is not the cause of arthritis but stress can worsen the pain of arthritis and he thought to himself that was the reason why it dramatically subsided when he was transferred to another parish. He also mentioned that one of the underlying reasons why Fr. Emman, the third editor lost his hair was also because of the stress he got from Candle Light. Mayo lang gid kay sa akon na nga tiempo, bag-o ako nag-assume sang akon responsibilidad bilang ikana-pulo nga editor sang Candle Light, naubos na ya ang buhok sa akon ulo and I’m confident enough to claim the fact that there is nothing to lose anymore and the prevailing indications of my stress are my bulging eye bags and my insatiable appetite for food. But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that we are complaining about the stress that we get for accepting the difficult position of being your Candle Light Editors in the past and in the present. At the end of the day, after we have submitted the lay-out for printing, after we have seen eager parishioners getting copies of our weekly paper, after we have received feedback from people who have the sincerest desire of supporting us despite our limitations and unworthiness, I, for myself, could speak in behalf of our former editors that it was a necessary stress…a stress born out of love and service…a stress that did not bring us into disillusionment and urged us to give up…a stress that actually gave us more courage and enthusiasm to think, to reflect, to ponder, to pray, to write and to publish over and over again in the past eighteen years.

Let me take this opportunity to thank each and everyone for your unceasing support to our Parish Weekly Paper. I know that it is not just sheer luck why Candle Light has gone this far. And to quote Manong Rio, the first editor of our Parish Weekly Paper, “Candle Light will never be appreciated apart from what it has been”. Kabay nga paagi sa pagpangamuyo sang aton Mahal nga Iloy, maangkon naton ang tinutuyo kag ginalauman sang aton huna-huna kag taguipusoon. Kabay nga ang tanan nga bugay nga nagikan sa kaalwan sang aton Amay mangin kahigayunan para sa aton tanan sa pagtuman sang iya kabubot-on samtang ginapatigayon naton ang aton tagsa-tagsa nga mga hilikuton, para sa pagdayaw kag paghimaya sang iya Ngalan.

40th Hearbeat

BUMPER STICKERS

A bumper sticker is an adhesive label or sticker with a message, intended to be attached to the bumper of an automobile and to be read by the occupants of other vehicles - although they are often stuck onto other objects. They are often catchy phrases that tackle everything under the sun: from religion to politics, from a life philosophy to an ad campaign of a new product, from various advocacies to rib-tickling phrases, from profound words to witty one-liners. Regardless of what is written, the purpose of posting these bumper stickers is really to catch attention and will eventually solicit diverse reactions from people.

Last week, when I joined the annual retreat of Jaro Clergy in Bukal ng Tipan, Talisay City, a lot of insights popped out of my mind as I pondered on so many areas of human relationship. I was able to mull over on the authentic exercise of leadership, the real use of power, the disinterested scope of influence, the profound meaning of personal integrity, the boundless might of vision, the proper way of bringing out the best in people, and the necessity of a participatory church.

Looking back, I think I also posted a lot of bumper stickers, not on my car (…obviously because I don’t have one!) but in my head and in my heart and let me share to you some:

1. God is an interruption. We can choose to forget him once in a while but He will always be someone whom we cannot live without.
2. A leader is measured in his capacity to perform and to relate. It’s nice that people look up to you as an authority figure based on the role that you play, but in the end, they will still opt for somebody who is a compassionate friend, rather than an efficient performer. Performance can gain you applause and recognition but relationship can gain you commitment and loyalty.
3. A mature person must be humble enough to own his mistakes, clever enough to learn from them and strong enough to correct everything and start all over again.
4. Sometimes, we have to get out of ourselves in order to let others get in.
5. Integrity is a rare commodity these days. Being who I am no matter where I am and whom I am with is a formidable task.
6. Change is inevitable. We tend to avoid this because we are too afraid to be better and wiser.
7. Choices can be blurry, but that extraordinary human capacity to “stand for what you believe is honest and true” will definitely define who you are and what you will become.
8. From an anonymous author: “No two people are alike. So no two people can approach God at exactly the same time. No one else can give God what you can give Him. You don’t have to imitate anyone in order to please God. You just have to be yourself.”
9. The difference between a dream and a vision rests on the person’s consciousness. Dream is creative imagination, something that may or may not happen, leaving you with uncertainty. Vision, on the other hand, is foresight, something that you believe that will happen in the near future as you work hard for its realization.
10. Some would claim that our future lies in our hands, but this future has two possibilities: we can either stare at the lines of our palms and passively wait for what our sheer luck has to offer or to mobilize our ten fingers and creatively shape our destiny.

11.I’d like to believe that love and power are complementary. Yes, the greatest power of all is love, but love is understood in the context of freedom. Power on the other hand, is understood in the context of responsibility.

12.In times when I’m really, really down, and life sucks, I just look at the mirror, give myself a deep sigh, and say: “God does not make a junk. No matter what happens, I was, I am and I will always be his beloved Son”

13.When you TRUST someone, you would allow him/her to challenge, or even to push you, and that very act of PUSHING can be very painful sometimes. And yet, because of trust, you are very much willing to undergo that painful process because you believe this person is capable of bringing out the best in you.

14.If you want to possess an authority that never fails, be a witness. The actual witnessing of the life that you lead is an authentic power.

15.It’s nice to have good, good friends who are willing to journey with me through life’s greatest battles and what makes it more fortunate is that they’re my brothers in the ministry.

39th Heartbeat

The Prayer of a Forgetful Receiver to an Ever-Generous Giver of the Gift

Lord God,

You have filled me with so much love

long before I came to my senses

and acknowledge what was burning inside my heart

You have accompanied me in my journey

long before I became aware of

my fundamental need for human relationship and intimacy

You have given me

my much deserved freedom

long before I have learned to abuse it

You have humbled yourself

on the Cross,

long before I was poisoned

by my own vain ambition and foolish pride

You have forgiven me

of my misgivings

long before I was conscious enough

of the consequences of my actions

You have brought me back

on the right track

long before I have given up all my hopes

in myself and in others

Lord,

For the longest time, you have never failed me,

even if I constantly fail you.

You have always been faithful despite my infidelity.

You have loved me unconditionally,

in times when I thought I am not worthy

of any expression of love, kindness and acceptance

You have made me realize

that you are indeed the ultimate source of all human relationships

You have satisfied every longing of a weary human heart and spirit

Dear Lord,

Despite of all, you have provided me

with that peace of the mind and heart

I have longed to relish

by making me aware

that I am indeed destined to find my one, true love

And you know very well that my heart only and truly belongs to you.

Amen.

P.S.

Sorry if I keep on forgetting.

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38th Heartbeat

San Ignacio de Loyola (part two)

The Spirituality of Saint Ignatius

The spirituality of Saint Ignatius was borne out of his deep appreciation of the glory of Creation. Now one thing that Saint Ignatius taught us is that we can actually “find God in all things”. It means that whatever we are doing at the moment, be it a busy day at work, or just simply living a laid back and idyllic life, or burning our midnight oil as we engage ourselves in various intellectual pursuits, or exhausting our strength and stamina for every game that we play, we can see for ourselves God’s abiding presence because everything that surrounds us is definitely a gift, waiting to be unravelled by our own senses. It is actually an upholding of the endowment of Creation, with all its unity, splendour, magnificence, and diversity, where we focus not just on the gift that is given but also we focus on the “Giver” of the gift.

If we will be able to find God in all things, we will forever be grateful and will definitely try our very best to share this magnanimity of God’s graces to everyone, especially to those who are having difficulties in finding meaning to their existence, and to those who consider life as tiresome and droning. Gratefulness can make somebody an instrument of God’s providence because it will bring him to a deeper awareness of all that surrounds him and will enable him to appreciate even those little things that delight his senses. A grateful heart always remembers. A grateful heart never forgets.

The Way of Life of Saint Ignatius

In the area of doing ministry or apostolate, St. Ignatius introduced the term called “Magis” which was derived from the first principle and foundation of his spiritual exercises. “Magis” is a Latin word for “more” and is based on the faith affirmation that “The human person is created to praise, reverence, and serve God Our Lord, and by so doing to save his or her soul. Therefore, one should desire and choose only what helps him more towards the end for which he is created.”

“Magis” is best understood as a way of life rather than an act or series of acts which reveal a person’s commitment to the “more.” It is a relationship word, meaning that it applies in personal relationships, both with God and with others, in terms of love. It is through this love that the proper meaning of “more” is found- love given freely, in generosity, and always in reverence to God.[i] Hence, it is simply following the will of God, and doing the things that pleases God without having to compromise one’s inimitable identity.

I remember when I was in high school, I came across this simple yet thoughtful quotation from a Bible Diary given to me by my grandmother and this was embedded in my memory, defying all other things that I’ve learned through the years because it served as one of my philosophies in life, complementing my understanding of the word, “Magis”:

“No two people are alike. So no two people can approach God at exactly the same time. No one else can give God what you can give him. You don’t have to imitate anyone in order to please God. You just have to be yourself”

Later on, I’ve realized that “Magis” is not actually doing more, but being more so that all my intentions, actions and functions will ultimately be offered for the Greater Glory of God. With this kind of mindset and lifestyle, I am reminded of the real essence of service- that it should be disinterested, meaning I serve my brothers and sisters not because I am expecting something in return, but because it has been a part ofmy identity as a person. Doing “Magis” is my own  unique way of bringing back that love I have received from God. It is a thought provoking consciousness asking me these two important questions that will define the fullness and relevance of my life here on earth: “What more can I do for God? And what more can I do for others?”

There are still so many reasons for me to thank Saint Ignatius of Loyola and this column would not be enough to suffice my gratitude. He inspired me with his life and he is definitely one of the reasons why I decided to choose a life of service founded on love and selflessness.

“Lord, teach us to give and not to count the cost” (Prayer of Generosity, Saint Ignatius of Loyola)

37th Hearbeat

The Cory that I came to know

I am supposed to conclude my reflection on Saint Ignatius of Loyola in my column this week but I decided to save it for the next publication because I want to pay tribute to a person whose enormity and significance have stirred not just Filipinos, but people throughout the world. Poignant as it may seem, but her death has made our tiny country radiantly visible once again, gaining recognition from great personages because she has been the highly-recognized “Icon of Democracy”.

I’d like to talk about President Corazon C. Aquino: the Eleventh President of the Republic of the Philippines and the First woman President in Asia.

But I will not focus so much on her being a President, nor on the things that I came to know about her in Philippine History. I must admit that I still have a lot to learn about the 1972 Proclamation of Martial Law, the Marcos Dictatorship, the Assassination of Ninoy and the EDSA One Revolution before I will be competent enough to give my honest to goodness viewpoint on the political situation of our country during that time. I was only five years old then, when the Peaceful Revolution took place and I had very little understanding on the things that actually happened considering that I was still enjoying the joys of my childhood. Nationalism and Patriotism were not yet part of my crude vocabulary but I remember how my folks at home cheered with much jubilation when Cory replaced Marcos as president.

The Cory that I came to know was not somebody who inspired the adamant Filipinos to brave the long stretch of Epifanio de los Santos Avenue in order to topple down a dictator, or somebody escorted and protected by men in uniforms, or somebody who stood before a senate or congress to deliver her thought-provoking, heart-wrenching speech. The Cory that I came to know was a simple widow, who was fond of wearing yellow dresses, and who invited us once in a while to sing at the grave of her beloved husband.

Since the beginning of my theology formation in San Jose Seminary, there have been instances that we join Fr. Catalino Arevalo, S.J., our Rector, (Fr. Daniel Patrick Huang, S.J. in 2003, Fr. Victor De Jesus in 2004 and 2007) and Fr. Manoling Francisco, S.J. to Manila Memorial Park and sing at the Eucharistic Celebration in honor of Sen. Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino, Jr. in order to commemorate either his birthday or his death anniversary. This was made possible through the unremitting request of his wife, former President Corazon C. Aquino.

Ah, President Cory…she always leaves a breath of fresh air to everyone. She exuded this unassuming aura that will enable you to come near her, without being intimidated for she is soft-spoken and very accommodating. We were so fortunate then to exchange pleasantries with her even for a short time when she invited us for lunch at their Ancestral Home in Forbes Park, Makati. I remember the time when we sang Christmas carols to her delight, as our gratitude for her, in giving us some memorabilia that will make us remember her and Ninoy. In the many “close encounters” with President Cory, I was always edified by her endearing presence. Looking back, I can say that there’s an inherent goodness in this woman that I cannot think of anything unpleasant when I’m in front of her, as she smiles at people with sincerity.

Her goodness is simply infectious.

No wonder why she became a champion of the masses. Her name has been synonymous to democracy because she taught us that freedom and change are possible, even without bloodshed.

I was really saddened by her death. There were a lot of instances that I shed tears as I watched the news and documentary specials in her honor on the television screen. One specific experience I had last week where I could no longer hold back my emotions was when MYX Music Channel premiered for the first time, “Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo”, an almost forgotten yet immortal song about EDSA, where they showed President Cory in her prime, emanating with courage and persistence, defying all stereotypes as she ended the many years of struggle and strife under the Marcos Regime, and the ABS-CBN Documentary Report that narrated her life as a simple and modest housewife who rose to power not by desire but by fate. The report put into view some clips during the EDSA One Revolution and I cried so hard when they showed a man asking a soldier to go down of the military tank and join them in their peaceful cause for freedom while saying this powerful statement that melted so many hearts of stone: “Pareho po tayong Pilipino. Wag po tayong mag-away!” Alone in the Priest’s common room, I wept profusely, acknowledging that hunger for meaning and relevance in my Identity as a Filipino. True enough, there are so many reasons for me to be proud as a Filipino. I kept on telling myself:“Kanami gid man gali ang mangin isa ka Pilipino”.

But behind the tears, I also felt the inevitable guilt. The experience was rather paradoxical on my part. I asked myself this question: “Do I have to wait for Cory to die in order for me to realize all of these things?” I felt ashamed because there were times that I have consigned myself in my own apathy particularly in making myself available for the various advocacies that desired the general welfare of my fellowmen. I felt ashamed because of the many instances that I did not become a good and responsible citizen, even just in obeying simple rules and regulations. I felt ashamed because I was too absorbed in my own world that I failed to be critical about the present situation of our nation. I felt ashamed because I was too afraid to look into my identity as a Filipino, and discover my own capacity for goodness, truth, honesty, and selfless love for the country.

The Cory that I came to know as a kind-hearted widow, who welcomed us in her humble home is very much the same with the Cory that I have seen, heard, and read as strong-willed woman who became the champion of democracy. Her death aggrieves me so much, even until now because she reminds me of who I am at the moment and what I should be as a Filipino, by making me realize the things that I have failed to do.

I still can’t get enough of that “Cory Magic”. She made me proud being a Filipino, yet made me humble by her altruistic love and passion for our country. She inspired me with her works as an icon of democracy and yet made me guilty of my own “unfreedom”. She moved me with her unwavering faith yet made me ponder with remorse on my helplessness and disbelief.

She now plays a significant part in my conscience and she will forever be my “reality check”

Salamat, President Cory.

36th Heart Beat

San Ignacio de Loyola (Part 1)

Most people would claim that our lives are generally “conditioned” by persons who mete out a bigger impact on us, influencing our manner of seeing things through their example. This is why we are in constant search of our own role models or heroes, imitating their various ways of life, hoping and wishing that someday, we can be like them simply because they have made us aware of our worst and yet, brought out the best in us.

I consider Saint Ignatius of Loyola as one of my heroes.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t an extension of our “Saint of the Week” column.I just want to pay tribute to this remarkable Spanish saint who played a significant role in my priestly formation. Whenever I skim through his biography, particularly his teachings, I am persistently challenged to offer everything that I do “for the greater glory of God”.[i]He has been a model of faithfulness, self-denial, simplicity, and service that I am also inspired to follow his example.

Hence, for two succeeding weeks of “Heartbeats”, allow me to share some few thoughts about his person, his habit, his spirituality and his way of life.

The Person of Ignatius

Before he became the founder of the Society of Jesus, Ignatius was a valiant soldier who fought for Spain against France in the famous battle of Pamplona. Severely wounded, he was relieved from army service and the long period of convalescence became a turning point in his life because he underwent conversion. He experienced not just physical healing, but spiritual healing as well. He consigned himself in prayer and contemplation, giving up his lavish lifestyle and his desire for glory in order that he may offer himself fully to the Lord.

Reflecting upon Ignatius’ conversion, I remember what Fr. Andy told us before during one of our “after-meal” conversations, and it has something to do with one’s personal conversion. If I am going to put it concretely, conversion and severity are closely intertwined because life’s greatest transformation could at times necessitate one extremely good or bad situation. It is really an out of the ordinary quirk of fate when someone who used to be extremely bad will turn out to be extremely good. But it’s possible, especially when the love of God becomes a part of the conversion process. It happened to Ignatius and it could also happen to anyone else. Fr. Adolfo Nicolas, S.J., the current Superior General of the Society of Jesus, explains this radical conversion beautifully: “Our imperfection, visible or invisible (although never invisible to our own selves) is our title of pride, as Paul would say. It is the best vehicle to share with people the ever life-giving goodness and mercy of God. We are not servants of a calculating and mean God, but of the life-giving God who can give life even to dead bones.” Whenever I come across the image of Ignatius, I am always reminded of the statement, “radical conversion”, and this extraordinary human capacity granted through God’s grace is something which I cannot admit to myself sometimes. And for this, I am being humbled.

The Habit of Ignatius

A priest once told us, that “a custom becomes a habit when it is done in routine”. I thought all the while that they are basically the same in terms of definition but later on, I’ve realized that a custom is nothing but an outward action of something that has been a part of human mechanism. Habit on the other hand, is indispensably linked to a person’s identity that is why it is often hard to break.Ignatius loved to pray under the vast assemblage of stars because it reminded him of the magnanimity of God’s graces, revealed in the glory of creation. This habit brought him to a deeper level of gratitude that all he ever wanted was to serve God in the best possible way he can. God’s universe is indeed wonderful and mysterious!

As I pondered on the unique yet profound habit of Saint Ignatius, I look back at those instances where I became less grateful for the many graces and blessings I received from God as I see life as a monotony, hardly exerting any effort especially in making sense of the things that had happened during the day. I failed to realize that the stars that brighten the night sky are there not just there for scientific investigations but they also serve as constant reminders of God’s immense bounteousness, giving me more than what I expected.

35th Heartbeat

A FISH NAMED WANDA[i]

I am an advocate of nature and nurture and I have been keeping pets for quite some time.

Allow me to tell you something about Wanda.

I came across a small pet shop one unpleasantly cold evening of January 2009 and saw “Wanda” placed inside a small glass jar. Upon seeing him, I never had second thoughts of taking him home with me so that I have something to embellish my seemingly bare counter cabinet. Days after, I bought a clear medium-sized tubular vase and polished stones from the home section of a department store, not just for aesthetics’ sake (which I would first and foremost consider), but also for Wanda to have a bigger space where he can move freely, gulp air and spit out bubbles.

Wanda, by the way, is a male Betta, popularly known as Siamese fighting fish. Betta fishes are members of the “gourami” family and keeping them as pets are rather inexpensive particularly when you want to explore the aquatic species ownership realm. They are capable of living in smaller containers than most aquarium fishes, without the filters and aerators that other aquarium fishes require. They are called “Betta” because their genus is derived from ikan bettah, taken from a local dialect of Thailand. In the wild, they proliferate rice paddies, shallow ponds, and even slow moving streams. [ii]

In popular culture, the Siamese fighting fish has been used as the default background in the first official beta version of the Windows 7 operating system, in an apparent reference to the name “betta”. In the movie From Russia with Love, the James Bond villain Blofeld compared the strategy of SPECTRE to three Siamese fighting fish fighting each other. There, two will fight each other to the death while the third will wait its turn, symbolizing the conflict between the USA and the Soviet Union as the two fighting fishes and SPECTRE as the third waiting fish.

One of the interesting behaviour of this genus is its aggressiveness. The aggression of Bettas has been a subject of interest by ethologists (naturalists who study animal behavioural patterns) and comparative psychologists. According to studies, Bettas will respond aggressively, even to their own reflections in a mirror. Like other fishes, Bettas may also respond to the presence of humans and become trained to respond to feeding cues (such as a hand placed over the water’s surface). They are quite curious and will watch humans going about their business nearby. But they should remain isolated when kept as pets because most people would claim that it is not ideal for them mingle with other genus of fishes because they are born “to attack and kill”. In order to prove to myself that Wanda is indeed very aggressive, there are occasions where I would point my red signature pen just before him and he immediately “flares up”, puffing out his gills in order to appear more impressive, intimidating me, his adversary. For the past six months, Wanda has been living in his solitary world, waiting for his daily shrimp meal, and effortlessly spitting bubbles that form a slimy nest.

Few weeks ago, Fr. Titus and I wanted to do an experiment. We wanted Wanda to join other fishes in the large aquarium in order to check if he is really genetically designed for attacking and killing his opponents. I was hesitant at first because I was too afraid Wanda might really show aggression and take the life of one of the gullible fishes bought by Fr. Andy. But after much prodding, I agreed to the suggestion and told Fr. Titus: “Sige lang a. Kung may patyon gid man ang Fighting Fish ko, ako lang ang mapa-akig kay Fr. Andy!” (Of course, I don’t want Fr. Andy to get angry…I mean, who wants to? hehehe) When I placed Wanda inside the aquarium, instead of bullying or pouncing on helpless carp, swordtail, freshwater angel fish, black moor, and gold fish, he went away recklessly, looking for burrows where he hid himself. I had mixed emotions upon seeing Wanda struggling inside the large aquarium: I was sad because the scenario definitely curbed my enthusiasm because I was expecting him to be belligerent, but at the same time, I was also happy because Wanda wasn’t that bad or cruel after all. He was rather aloof and withdrawn. My preconceived ideas about this genus of fish were rather silly. He was not comfortable with his new world because he has learned to live his life in solitary confinement, delimited by impressions that he is indeed destined to attack and kill.Poor Wanda, it was too late for him to be given the chance to prove himself and eventually socialize with other fishes in the aquarium.

Looking back, I believe that there are also people who live their lives in solitary confinement like my pet, Wanda, not because it is their personal choice, but it is humanity that dictates them to pull themselves out of the social sphere. They are individuals who hunger for love and acceptance, but then they were overshadowed by prejudice, inequality, bigotry, apathy and discrimination. Like my poor fish who cramped himself in his lonely, tubular world, these people would also crave for freedom and understanding, longing for the day that they will also be given the chance to prove their inherent goodness.

God made all things bright and beautiful. He did not create monsters.

“Prejudices are the chains forged by ignorance to keep men apart.” (Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington quotes)

34th Heartbeat

“SENTI…”

Allow me to be sentimental this time.

It was the annual celebration of a baranggay fiesta. Rain poured out so hard that the spectators barged into the covered nooks of the basketball court that was worn out by the waves of time and the harsh weather conditions. Five elderly men came up the stage, bringing their respective musical instruments that were refurbished by plasters and snippets of wood. All of them sat by the mono block chairs as they waved their hands to their enthusiastic fans, as if they were having a gig in a huge arena. The two were tweaking the pitch of their guitars by plucking the strings intermittently; one was positioning the chin rest of his odd-shaped violin to his neck as he touched a chord with his bow; the other one was holding a ukulele whose sharp sound contributed to the outwardly cheerful disposition of the crowd. When they started playing, everyone was attentive because they wouldn’t want to miss any single note that delighted their audible range. Despite the downpour, the world stopped. I sat by the stilted bench as I listened to them, stunned at what I became aware of. The songs were rather unfamiliar but the melody speaks so much of one word that satisfied my persistent longing: HOME.

It’s nice to be back in Calmay, Janiuay after eight months of not wandering through the off the beaten track in order to reach the place I called home for one month and five days. In my musing, it was hard to figure out what particular episode in my stint as a deacon assigned to this small baranggay parish that truly mesmerized me. In my limited capacity to unravel the mysterious, I only reasoned out that maybe, it was the serenity of the place or the warm reception of the people that really captured my heart. Yet, behind all these things, I would still show discontent for there must be an unexplainable force that compelled me to exhaust all of my memories as I introduced myself to new acquaintances and consigned myself to the pristine corners of the surreal landscapes.

Calmay must be enchanted, captivating my jaded and weary soul.

According to stories, even soldiers who temporarily resided in this place share the same sentiment as mine. They found it hard to depart from this thriving community after they have served their purpose for several months. At times, I’d like to think that the place has a surreptitious and magical lure that kept people wanting for more, giving them so much sadness if ever they decide to leave. Calmay may not provide the best of what urbanity and modernization have to offer, but its laid back environment can be a solitary refuge from the hustle and bustle of this fast changing world. One maybe deprived of seeing how life normally evolves through progress, but the purity and the calmness of the area will help him discover so many profound truths about his entirety as a person. This is no tourist spot because the natural wonders were devastated by the typhoon, but the familiarity of interacting with the locals and that once in a lifetime chance of serving them for various purposes are the best experiences one could ever have. It made me realize over and over again that it is meaning, not happiness that will put essence in a man’s life, and this essence is usually unfolded in its simplicity.

Like the poignant melody being played by the elderly musicians before the eager crowd, my memories of Calmay will forever be inscribed into the very core of my being, giving me with bittersweet thoughts about losing and finding my way back home.

“We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, and voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when” (Starhawk)